BOOK I

BOOK 1

19 July 1980 - 28 July 1981

... and the hope for a new life was gambled away. (18 Oct 1981)

A new book. Nicely bound, grey paper, environmentally friendly. 200 empty pages, waiting to be filled with content.

I could have written already much, in the past few months. But I did not...

This book will contain some of my thoughts. I am not yet sure, what I shall write in it. But I want to keep the events, want to reflect on them, want to document them, so that later I have a record of what happened, and in particular of what I thought and felt about it.

I will write entries into this diary.
These entries will be written in this style, so that they can be distinguished from my other ramblings.

I really look forward to have then a written account of all of the things that will still happen to me.

Currently I only have my little notes from the calendar notebook, where I wrote since the beginning of this year the weather - every day. I had begun these actually in autumn 1977 and did continue throughout the whole year of 1978. Then for 1979 I did not have a calendar notebook anymore... so no weather for 1979. But with the beginning of this year I had started to write down the weather. And I began to note down when I was away or was sick. And in addition I also began to write down my own mood, indicated by a few small arrows, up or down (first such was on 31 March 1980). Then I did continue this and added those arrows more frequently. So up to now I do have a good collection of my mood in the past few months.

Nothing very positive... it has all been a disaster, and I hope that eventually I will come out of it.

Right now it still looks all very bleak....