Moving on

I have done it: I have written my first few words into this diary.
Not much there, I try to keep it cryptic. What if someone finds these writings? It would be very embarrassing. I want to keep them secret, for myself.

Yesterday evening was the end of an era. And the beginning of a new one.
My first real big love is over.
Of course, I only know the "love in vain". There was no relationship. I was just hoping, longing, from afar.
She was unreachable.
I sat next to her yesterday, physically so close. A smile to her.
But not know what to say.
She is with my best friend. Yes, my best friend is her boyfriend. I do not have a chance.
And I have given up any chances I ever had.
When sitting next to her yesterday evening, at the party, I realised how idiotic I have been.
And I took a deep breath, and got up.
Walked out, out of the room, into the garden where the others were playing.
Some silly games. Sitting in a circle, telling stories, knitting hair.
A new bunch of people, I have never met them.
They were new in our gang.
I join them, make jokes, have fun.
The past is forgotten. A new era begins.
Yes, this is fun. I enjoy these new people.
A group of girls. Four of them. I can take my pick :)
If I would only dare...
I am actually excelling, going beyond where I have been before. I am weaving somebody's hair into some weird sculpture. This is fun, enjoyable. I like the girl to whom I am doing this. Her name is R. She has a sister, Ch. There is also Bee, and St. Bee has short hair, so no body can make anything out of her hair. She is quite funny, and so is St. We are having a great time.
I am moving on. I leave those past 5 months behind me. They have been the worst in my life so far. Never before have I had such a rollercoaster of feelings. Up and down. And in the end no result.
Have I learned anything? No.
But I move on.
I really like R.