Irony of fate

So, yesterday evening is now also gone.
What am I going to do now?
I feel how I really have gotten a tough nucleus inside me. I do not even value past events anymore, but only value future events.
When I think about it, it is all my fault. I have gotten there by my inattentiveness, my wrong pride, which after a long period of rest comes up again.
The 22 nov is over. It was the key date. From now on everything is pre-programmed. Yesterday - irony of fate - I was in church, which half a year ago did hear my laments, my desires. And yesterday I did sit next to S, Ch, and R.
What a cruel irony!
Half a year too late!
And I am in exactly the same situation like 8 months ago, in March.
So, from now on I will work hard in school. Everything else does not matter.
And should I dry out, then it is the fault of the others!