Lonely and excluded

I have become lonely.
Today that became very clear to me.
A few days or weeks ago it did not matter to me.
I just ignored this A-group, because I did have another goal.
But now also this has been smashed, of course under great help of A, and I am standing in front of the wreck of my future.
In two days we will travel for a day trip into the big city.
I see no hope.
But despite everything being broken, I will try to use every possible chance.
I cannot be so easily be put down!

Well, for crying out loud!
After the break today I almost did.
Now after the orchestra session I have a bit calmed down. Also the bicycle ride before did help.

But I am excluded.
Excluded from the activities "they" are doing on Saturday evening.
All my fault.
And now also betrayed by my own desires.

Eloi, eloi, lama sabatachni