Anger, hope and frustration

ha, haaah, haaaah...
what is there to say?
sh... ? no, not.
Let me better vent my anger towards a certain subject: you bastard!
What did you tell? I would be softened by them? Your strong hand would be missing?
(I do not mean you, god, also not you, Jesus, no! I have already accepted your influences. But this bastard!)

But something different:
As it goes, this up and down, so today was, well what?
An up? or a down?

Once again it was funny.
I was outgoing. My 2nd nature!
"great"
well, ok
But!
Where was she? yes, I mean you, R!
...
was I again on the wrong course?
Well, god, now I have to tell you something: if you continue like this (letting me just do and not helping me), then I will be so without spine that I will not believe myself. I am actually already now like this. My own wishful thinking is pushed back. It is worthless, groundless. I just need to have a wish, and sure it will not be fulfilled.
If you continue like this, I will become a frustrated object without any will.
But I know what will happen then: I will grab onto my pride.
Like today during the break: it is bitter to give up something out of pride, but it is a strengthening feeling.

Should I go onto that winter holiday?
Of course I want to go! Especially because there are humans who like that I join them there.
yes, I know. Lots of homework. Ooooh!