The evening before

Tomorrow it will begin.
I have done whatever I could.
And it looks good. I am happy. Finally.
I am optimistic. I am in love with BW.
She is so funny, so energetic.

And she likes me. She was so happy that I finally got it sorted to go onto this winter holiday with our group.
Everybody will be there. R., and her sister Ch., BW and her friend St. And A. will be there too.

This worries me. A. has been a determining force in the past year. He has interfered with my dreams, has made sure that they end up in smoke. I have suffered a lot, from the beginning of March until the end of July. Then a new era started. First my affection to R. Then all that back and forth in the autumn months of this past year. But now things seem clear. My goal is to be with BW.

I never had a girlfriend yet. I only had dreams. I am used to dream about girls, about being with them. For many years I was in love with BU. Then, after changing school, I kept dreaming. I was a hero in my dreams, constantly saving my princess. Then I fell in love with UR. Again only dreaming. Then time moved on, and real opportunities arose. But I was weak, shy. Not able to leave my shell that had built up around me.

I fell in love with CP, then A took her. I fell in love with HL then A took her. And most recently, I fell in love with SA, then A took her. I hate A. He has interfered with any relation I had hopes for.

And now he will be there too, at this winter holiday. I am a bit scared of this prospect, and he did already begin his work. I was so angry when he joined the group which I had established. When he talked to R whom I had a crush on, a few months ago. And now he is around when B and St are there. I am worried. But I have to face this challenge. I will not again succumb, I will fight this time. I will do what I have to do.

I am looking forward to these coming 12 days. These 12 days will change everything. I will not be the same afterwards, this is what I already know. Because I will go beyond my limitations.